Right now my room is a wreck. I mean, I’ve started picking up the floor and everything, but it still looks like a kind of controlled chaos. I have papers scattered everywhere, my desk is covered in things that need to get done, and my storage areas are absolutely insane.
Just having all of that around me reminds me that I need to clean it up, get stuff done, and try to relax afterwards. But I feel like it’s just going to revert to it’s original state of craziness as soon as I get going during the week, and I sure as HELL am not cleaning every week. Right now, even as I’m typing this, I am trying to pick up the random pieces of trash that scatter the floor and throw them in the garbage can, attempting some level of sanity in this whirlwind.
I’m actually feeling about the same way right now. The job of being an R.A., while rewarding, is filled with small pieces of work that just seem to build up around me. School is, as always, an abundance of reading and work that also piles up like leaves. And trying to have a social life at the same time as getting any amount of sleep, it’s almost laughable. As with my room, my mind is cluttered with these things, and trying to look at it stresses me out to no end. Pulling out of hair and procrastination ensue, just because I can see the whole picture, and it frustrates me to the point of not being able to get anything done. My mother at this point would probably say to me to look at it one thing at a time. Great advice, and definitely some that I would pass on if it was a third party asking me for some advice. But as for me, when I look at everything I have to do, categorizing just doesn’t seem to work very well for me. Trying to sort things and organize them into sections just doesn’t click sometimes, so I have the entire picture in my head all at once like a photograph, instead of it happening a little at a time.
The thing I do to cover up my room is really the same thing I do for my life. I close the door. it’s still there, but it’s not within visual. I can’t see it, therefore it does not have a direct impact upon me. Then and only then am I able to say to myself what I need to do. I can say i need to take care of the floor first, or organize my desk, or figure out where to put stuff in my storage areas. Same goes with my own head. The reason I procrastinate is not because I’m lazy (okay, maybe a little…) but because I feel so overwhelmed that if I get started on anything, everything else will be in the forefront of my mind while I’m accomplishing that task. I need that time before hand to comprehend and figure out which part of the photograph of stuff I need to get finished. And little by little, my room and my mind get cleaned, and life becomes easy and simplified.